Jarrow MP in footy poser

Stephen Hepburn MP poses as Gazza

Hepburn no ‘Golden Balls’ says Toon hard man

Football mad Jarrow MP Stephen Hepburn was labelled as “an absolute poser” by Toon hard man Jimmy “Vinny” Nail yesterday after it was reported that the Labour MP spends the bulk of his time flying around the world playing charity football matches on behalf of the Houses of Parliament. Nail went on to criticise the Sunderland supporting South Tyneside MP as being nothing more than a poser trying to look and play as daft as Paul Gascoigne, the former Toon star who famously cried his eyes out after every game;

“He couldn’t tackle to save his life, and his distribution is as wayward as his House of Commons questions, I don’t know how he gets away with it. His legs are shot too and he’s always short of breath, basically he’s not a fit bloke and I wouldn’t want him in my team, he’s certainly no ‘Golden Balls’. I’m surprised after claiming £142,000 in expenses that he hasn’t invested in a proper protective jock strap and some decent boots but I suppose he’s waiting for a sponsor to cough up. Anyway, that’s seven times I’ve played against him now, when does he find time to be an MP?”

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