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Security nightmare for Blair visit to South Shields

with 4 comments

Tony and Cherie BlairInsane advice to Special Branch

Just thinking about the security implications of the visit of the saviour of the middle-east former Prime Minister Tony Blair to South Shields on Wednesday 14th. November (venue to be disclosed 24 hours in advance of the meeting – sounds like a wild illicit rave party doesn’t it.)

The whole of South Shields will have to be crawled over by security experts to find the most safe secure venue possible, to avoid all possibilities of an attack by Geordie Al Qaeda operatives on the former darling of the press and lieutenant to George W. Bush.

May I suggest that the most appropriate venue ought to be the Temple Park Centre in South Shields. It has good road access with dual carriageways on two sides, and can easily accommodate helicopter landings as well as a full squadron of SAS troopers and their equipment. Sharp shooters, marksmen, and machine gun posts can be set up on the centre’s roof offering a very wide open view of the neighbouring terrain, if necessary Temple Park could become a veritable killing field in the event of a terrorist attack. If insurgents were to infiltrate the audience, security experts could take the easy decision to close all of the windows, open the semi concealed floor vents and allow a massive build up of methane from the landfill below to send everyone to sleep and bring proceedings to an explosive end (that’s if the speeches haven’t already done so).

Tragic, I know, but it would provide a famous victory for democracy over terror – and we would have to have a new swimming pool afterwards too!

Written by curly

September 12, 2007 at 12:33 pm

4 Responses

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  1. well ive got my invite off scott

    sless

    September 12, 2007 at 7:14 pm

  2. No, Curly, Temple Park wouldn’t be a good idea for TB to appear in person. I shall very probably be making my quarterly visit to my hometown around that weekend and we normally walk the dog on Temple Park. Couldn’t the meeting be held in the Centre with TB doing a video link from Camel’s Island?

    Mike

    September 12, 2007 at 11:25 pm

  3. Will you be there curly?

    lisa

    September 13, 2007 at 11:55 am

  4. I will attempt to regain the confidence of David Miliband (who has on occasion been the butt of some light hearted jocularity in this blog)and obtain a ticket from him.

    curly

    September 13, 2007 at 2:43 pm


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