Curly's Corner Shop, the blog!

South Shields premier political blog

Letter to the bank manager

with 4 comments

Please send more money

This is so good, I’m sure Obnoxio will not mind me republishing it in full here.

Dear Mr Undermanager,

In accordance with the highest principles of financial prudence in these difficult economic times, I have taken the difficult decisions necessary to ensure that the Clown household is not affected by the economic crisis imported from the USA, which definitely has nothing to do with my own profligacy, that I shall be borrowing to fund my continued spending. As you will be aware, I have reduced my credit-card bill from a full year’s salary to just over eighteen months’ salary, and so I am well-placed to borrow heavily and contribute to the economic recovery of the country. The fact that people are not spending money on circuses right now should not concern you in any way.

I assure you that my apparently extravagant plans to refit my entire house with designer furniture, repave my driveway and purchase a new fleet of vehicles is certain to improve the economy.

Because of the amount I intend to invest in the wisest possible sense, I will not be able to pay the loan off in my lifetime, but I am quite certain that my daughter and her as yet unborn children will not mind funding this on my behalf. I will not be mentioning it to her, lest it upset her. I’d be grateful if you would keep this confidential until she is 18.

I look forward to your cheque for the half-million pound loan at your earliest convenience.


I had a good laugh at that, even though there is a very serious message in it.

Now seeing as I’m sitting here in South Shields trying my hardest to put off the depressing feeling that we are all doomed with Prime Mentalist Gordon in charge, I thought

“what could I lend to Gordon when he comes knocking on my door for more than a cup of sugar and half a dozen tea bags?”

Got it!

That unwanted bottle of Aldi’s own brand whisky laced with 100 soluble paracetamols.

What could you lend him?

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Written by curly

October 28, 2008 at 10:40 am

4 Responses

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  1. I would lend him a loaded pearl handled revolver to go with your bottle of Whisky ( better safe than sorry ). Though I doubt he would have the decency to use it.

    Man in a Shed

    October 28, 2008 at 11:20 am

  2. A bottle of paraffin and a box of matches.

    Lord Elvis of Paisley

    October 28, 2008 at 11:25 am

  3. Wonder what would happen if we all sent that letter to our bank managers. Particularly if the account is with one of the bailed out banks.

    My bank phoned me last week for an “annual review” of my accounts. Cheek!

    Henry Crun

    October 28, 2008 at 12:22 pm

  4. Henry – well my bank phoned me to ask if I’d put my money back with them. I think that’s an even worse sign of the times.

    Man in a Shed

    October 28, 2008 at 8:46 pm

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