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Chinese attempt to cure Miliband

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David MilibandForeign Secretary’s internet addiction stifled after China visit

David Miliband the South Shields MP and Foreign Secretary, who was recently spoofed by fans on Twitter, is to review his internet surfing and posting habits on his official Foreign Office blog after a recent visit to China.

Whilst there he reviewed the communist methods for curing the internet addiction which has led to millions of freedom seeking youngsters attempting to breach the Great Firewall of China using overt and subversive methods involving IPV tunnelling and a variety of proxy servers to defeat the censorship of the internet applied by the Chinese government and multi national companies such as Google and Yahoo.

Miliband discovered on his visit to Beijing that the Chinese are heavily involved in blogging and sharing photographs on the internet, as well as spending inordinate amounts of time in chat rooms and online gaming sites, which  with his Foreign Office blog, Flickr feed, YouTube, Twitter and Second Life makes “Brains” just like the average Mandarin geek. So he was more than happy to partake in a short lived Chinese experiment to cure his ills, unfortunately it didn’t work and after extensive consultation and negotiations with his hosts agreed to return at a later date for further treatment.

Following his visit to China, Mr. Miliband travelled to the sub-continent where he proceeded to upset our old allies the Indians then the Sri Lankans with a diplomatic style that has been seen as bristling, shocking, and highly charged with static energy. Lobby correspondents have said that after the Foreign Secretary’s recent travels his blog posts and other internet activity have slowed, but not ceased, as he launched himself into a new bid to control the Labour Party and reinvent itself as a mass movement emulating the successes of Barack Obama, Chairman Mao, Joseph Stalin, Kim jong-Il, Pol Pot others who have failed to provide freedom and liberty succeeded in the past.

Meanwhile Chinese authorities have temporarily banned the use of their new internet addiction therapies;

Today’s ban follows reports that Dr Yang Yongxin from Linyi City’s psychiatric hospital in Shandong province was using electroconvulsive therapy (ECT).

According to the Beijing News, Yang said he had created the unique “xingnao” (“brain-waking”) therapy which involved sending a small current through the brain. He added that the stimulation might cause pain but was very safe and would not harm children in any way.

Yeah right – obviously the voltage wasn’t high enough to produce a more permanent result to keep the freedom lovers away from their keyboards, but just enough to keep the bureaucrats amused.

An earlier report by the Information Times claimed patients received electroconvulsive therapy if they broke any of the centre’s rules, which included eating chocolate, locking the bathroom door, taking pills before a meal and sitting on Yang’s chair without permission. It said parents had to sign a contract acknowledging their child would be given ECT before admission.

Starting to sound familiar this is, eat what we say, take five a day, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t photograph our armed or uniformed personnel, don’t fly the flag of St. George, don’t sing Christmas carols, don’t go to your school childrens’ sports day, and God forbid don’t wear a crucifix at work.

I’m starting to wonder whether the Foreign Office is exporting our ideals and cultures or whether it’s importing more and more regulation from it’s favourite states!

Never mind, if they do manage to perfect the technique perhaps Gus O’Donnell might suggest to the stuttering monocular  unelected Scottish Prime Minister that he takes his over “geeky” Foreign Secretary and the rest of his Cabinet  for a  course of treatment before they return to Parliament after the summer (all on expenses of course).

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Written by curly

July 14, 2009 at 4:45 pm

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