Curly's Corner Shop, the blog!

South Shields premier political blog

No need to rage against the machine or stumble over Joe’s climb.

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Joe McElderry fails to get No.1 Christmas spot.

So South Shileds’ lad Joe McElderry has failed in his bid to become the No. 1 selling artist in the Christmas singles chart, and Rage against the Machine have won the battle after thousands of their fans seemed to turn the mantra on it’s head (F*** You, I won’t do what you tell me), they consequently did by following the strictures of the Facebook campaign.

But we should shed no tears, either for McElderry, nor cheer to the rafters for the anti Christmas hype campaign of Killing in the Name, there is of course one big winner who will be laughing all the way to the bank, Simon Cowell and his company Syco have a large financial interest in the label (Epic a subsidiary of Sony) which promotes both singles, and he also has Susan Boyle’s album sitting comfortably at the head of the album charts. Which makes one wonder if there were any outside influences in the origins of the Facebook campaign which literally did get people to do what they are told, so successful was the campaign that Jon and Tracy Morter have been offered jobs by Cowell who has a strong appreciation for mass marketing techniques.

Zack de la Rocha and Tom Morello  were probably not wholly surprised that one of the first congratulatory phone calls they took yesterday was from Simon Cowell, as they prepare for a free UK gig for their fans and the handing over of a nice fat cheque to the UK charity Shelter.

Cowell will lose no sleep as his earnings rise exponentially over the Christmas period, so well is he doing, that while South Shields fans of McElderry dab away their tears they can be cheered by the news that the fledgling plaything of Cowell pop star will whisked away with his entire extended family on a £20000 skiing holiday of a lifetime in a millionaire’s chalet in the Austrian Alps, all financed by Simon Cowell. They will be flying out immediately after Christmas. After that Joe will be off to the States where Cowell appears to have engineered a very lucrative deal for the South Shields lad to try and break into the US teen film market, The Daily Mirror reports:

He is now on the books of Creative Artists Agency, whose A-list super-clients include Steven Spielberg, Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Oprah Winfrey.

Bosses are convinced clean-cut Joe has the looks and charm needed to crack the huge US teen market.
And they are already in talks with casting bosses at Disney to find a movie role for Joe – tipped to be the next pin-up like High School Musical’s Zac Efron. A source said: “CAA think Joe can be massive in America.”

I bet Cowell cannot wait for the scripts to come in!

It’s wonderful of course to enjoy the fact Joe McElderry’s singing talents were nurtured here in South Shields and that the lad who played a lead role in Harton Technology College’s production of “Grease” may one day be a Disney star, the singing can speak for itself, but the rest is in the hands of Cowell.

The battle between Joe McElderry and Rage against the machine has also captivated my old friend His Grace Archbishop Cranmer who has declared:

One wonders why the people can be so organised about something as trivial as the Christmas No1, but not quite so passionately strategic in their politics.

Perhaps the reason lies in the concealed reality behind this chart battle. For the supreme irony is that both Joe McElderry and Rage Against the Machine are signed to Epic Records, which is part of Sony BMG.

As far as the recording colossus is concerned, they win either way.

So if your motive in downloading Rage Against The Machine was to humble the Sony behemoth, you have failed.

And seeking to wipe the smile off Simon Cowell’s face or deprive Joe McElderry of an instant Number One is indeed a little spiteful.

Perhaps this is why the people cannot be bothered to protest, rise up, and democratise their politics. Sony is a metaphor for the European Union: its tentacles are everywhere, its fingers are in every pie and all roads lead to Rome.

Or should that be Mr. Cowell’s bank account Your Grace?

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Written by curly

December 21, 2009 at 11:53 am

3 Responses

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  1. Anti-Christmas hype campaign?
    Only if you’re of the opinion that Christmas = the X Factor winner getting to number one in the charts.
    RATM are donating all their royalties to Shelter (a point you very grudgingly acknowledged). Simon Cowell isn’t.
    Anti-Christmas my arse, to paraphrase the ultimate Yueltide song.


    December 21, 2009 at 5:26 pm

  2. Cranmer doesn’t seem able to countenance other possible options – that people liked the RATM track, it was cheaply available to download and had a week headstart. And Curly, before you remonstrate people for taking part in a Facebook campaign, you should really consider your own part in the ‘Vote Joe’ hysteria.


    December 21, 2009 at 10:53 pm

  3. everyone knows they’re both on sony which is in actual fact is irrevelant. Sony is a big company they own practically everything including games consoles, CD’s, electronic equipment etc etc. So even if you didn’t buy either single you probably bought something from sony this christmas. ie its pretty pointless arguing that case.
    Secondly RATM were donating to charity. Shelter for one and a youth music group (I can’t remember the name) that helps kids buy and learn instruments.


    December 24, 2009 at 9:38 pm

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