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Boyle makeover fails

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Susan Boyle - Gordon Brown

Hairy Scot “spins” the dream

Simon Cowell, Amanda Burton, and Piers Morgan all agreed that the Scot who rose to prominence without any popular mandate had totally destroyed the act. Cowell was scathing:

“You’ve just handed yourself over to the spin doctors and allowed them to make up stories about my girlfriend on your behalf, over borrowed on our account, spent far too much of our money, and left us up to our eyes in debt to the extent that we’ll be paying it back for the next twenty years, and your performances this week have been laughable, who on earthed coached you to use that ridiculous childish grin?”

After listening to the latest performance from the Scot this week, fellow judge Amanda Burton was once more reduced to tears and blubbering through a lace handkerchief she asked:

“What have you done? Do you realise we’ll all be out of work after this? This whole audience will have to go, and your popularity will plummet like a stone, I cannot believe what you have done, we are finding things taxing enough as it is.”

Morgan, the former Mirror man was equally exasperated:

“I used to like you, despite the fact that you got here by the benefit of no serious competition at all. I would have put my mortgage on you, if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s held by Northern Crock. Now I’ll have to have a serious rethink about your future prospects. What’s worse is the fact that your YouTube videos have been seen by millions around the world as you foolishly attempted to get other performers to follow your lead, I hope you can understand that your profligacy with our money just isn’t sustainable, I am truly, truly, disappointed. You had us all dreaming but let’s be honest, it’s time to wake up and lance this Boyle, it’s like a festering sore, I get the feeling that a huge wad of my cash is being burned for no reason and I can feel the pain in my pocket, I’m sorry, you will have to go.”

Meanwhile the show’s producers were seen outside of the studio attempting to do a deal with Lord Mandycar of Scrapyards to exchange their new Tesla electric cars for ten year old Nissan Micra 1.1s after being offered an additional £2000 discount, the audience was quietly sneaking out through the back door and heading for the Blue Review Theatre down the road where a young man was making a name for himself.

At this moment Cowell truly thought that “the dream” was over;

“It’s a nightmare, a total bloody nightmare”

he mumbled to gathered journalists

“Where the **** is that McBride?”

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Written by curly

April 24, 2009 at 10:02 am

2 Responses

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  1. Brilliant!

    Gordon really is beginning to look like a fat old woman nowadays, isn’t he?

    The Lakelander

    April 24, 2009 at 11:32 am

  2. what is this all about? Susan Boyle is the brightest person in this economically upside down world. the competition was not fair. how can you compare apples and oranges. her falling out was the result of weeks of continued stress and having to deal with outlandish demands by everybody. i sincerely hope that she will regain her old self and come out of this with a record of that beautifully sung song “I had a dream”. it gave me chills the voice of hers. this scot person should have his license taken away for publishing any of his foul stories. What is going on in Britain. I though the English had style. Also, why didn’t Susan ever won anything before with that voice Sad, sad.

    R. Gseller

    June 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm

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